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Here is where you get to be an alchemist, changing the lead of a part of your life you don’t like into the gold of your desired life.

Ask yourself these questions: What is not working the way you’d like it to in your life? What can you do to change it? What is the cost to your happiness and well-being if it doesn’t change? Your answers to these give you a clear picture of what and why a part of your life needs transforming.

Of course, to change, you have to change. But we humans tend not to change until the fear of commitment is less than the pain of the status quo. Commitment is critical, because changes won’t last unless we make them non-negotiable. The ego mind is solely intent on the survival and protection of the familiar, of what it thinks is safe and comfortable. Thus it will resist any change toward growth or development.

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Recently I had the opportunity to see an evening of remarkable dance, called “Change: A Contemporary Dance Concert,” at Central Connecticut State University. Its powerful title performance illustrated a variety of social issues through the medium of movement. Written by The Allman Brothers’ drummer, Jaimoe, and members of Jaimoe’s Jasssz Band, and choreographed by Catherine Fellows, Dance Director of CCSU and Artistic Director of “Change,” it electrified the audience with its emotional weaving of the dark and light aspects of humanity.

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This is a reprint from my newsletter from 2005:

A healthy relationship with a significant other (spouse, partner, boy- or girlfriend) can only become as strong and nurturing as your love for yourself (love your neighbor as you love yourself). So that is the first relationship to nurture.

Each of us must grow and develop as an individual, taking responsibility for our own well-being. If we seek fulfillment from another, we overstrain the relationship and set up disappointment, rejection and resentment. The Jerry McGuire line, “You complete me,” makes great romance in film but is a set-up for stress or even failure in a relationship. Ironically, the more we take care of ourselves, the more complete we feel in relationship to a loved one.

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Many years ago I first heard the phrase “What we are is God’s gift to us; what we make of ourselves is our gift to God.” We are the creators of our how we live the life we’re given – arguably not the things that happen to us, but how we perceive and respond to those things.

I have met many people who don’t think they are creative, but I have never met anyone who actually is not creative. We are all creative. Creativity takes as many forms as the imagination can conjure, and each person, group or entity has their own “thing” to create, and their own way of expressing or manifesting that “thing.” It is our nature, a part of our DNA. Many say it’s a part of our divinity.

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Yesterday I passed another milestone in this journey of life, another birthday. It wasn’t one of those major ones that call for a lot of hoopla and celebration, but none-the-less it’s worthy of acknowledgement. I mean let’s face it, when it’s fully engaged life is a risky business, and so the markers of its successful navigation deserve at least a nod.

I am not living the life I anticipated in my teens and twenties, and for that I’m grateful (it’s a long story, but summing up, I was on the fast track to self-destruction and didn’t have much of a grip on the controls). And not every dream has come true. But I am living the life I created and attracted, consciously and unconsciously, and it’s a good life. There have been plenty of tough times and there will be more, but it’s a good life.

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