(Note: Please see Blog #2 in this series, “The Four Types of Addiction,” for a definition of addiction and a description of its types. Recovery is not just for alcohol and drug addicts!)
Addiction is like a living death. It feels isolating, empty, painful (emotionally to be sure, but often physically as well), confusing, lost, and baffling (because no one sets out to become an addict – the goal was to feel better about oneself, about life, and to manage life better; it just didn’t work!).
Recovery is about coming alive again. There are 6 stages every addicted person goes through as they recover and maintain recovery:
1. Active Addiction – of course, this is not really a recovery stage, but rather the reason for recovery. I include it as a stage because it is where we all begin.
2. “Hitting Bottom” – This is the defining experience when we know we cannot continue the addictive behavior, and we make the choice to change. The bottom may be “high” (confused, uncomfortable) or “low” (crisis, chaos, even life-threatening), and we may have several bottoms – usually progressively worse – before we truly surrender and take the actions necessary to change.
3. Abstinence – This is the period in which all our focus is on stopping the addictive behavior, whether it is substance use, spree shopping, overeating, overworking, gambling, or whatever our particular addiction is. Abstinence often takes some sort of intervention to begin, and usually takes some sort of treatment in order to maintain. It is a volatile time and the relapse probability is high. The Abstinence Stage, as the central focus of our effort, usually takes several months, but can take as much as a year or more.
4. Sobriety – This period is when we address the total effect of our addiction and start to make conscious changes in our thinking and behavior. Through a recovery program or therapy we learn a new way to think, act and live. Sobriety often begins during the Abstinence Stage, and continues for five years or more. The focus is on establishing a new way of life, and thus is a very challenging time. In order to succeed, we must change not only the habits of thinking and behavior we developed in addiction, but also the earlier ones that led to addiction in the first place. Relapse potential is moderate to high, depending on our willingness versus resistance to change.
5. Early Recovery – This stage may overlap with the Sobriety Stage; it begins as early as two years into the process, and lasts typically till year 10-12 (sometimes longer). During this Stage, we begin to integrate the changes we consciously made during Sobriety. The changed thinking and behavior becomes our new “normal,” and therefore develops into an automatic response for us. Relapse potential is low, provided we keep growing in recovery and do not get complacent.
Between Stages 5 & 6 there is a very difficult period for many in recovery. We may feel a strong pull to grow beyond the identity as a recovering person, while also fearing that that could lead to relapse. The difficulty is that if we are called to remain in the traditional recovery lifestyle and we try to step beyond it, relapse risk rises significantly. However, if we are called to a broader lifestyle but avoid it out of fear, again our relapse risk rises significantly. It is critical to be honest with ourselves and follow the path that has the greatest value and meaning for us, while maintaining our recovery.
6. Advanced Recovery – This stage usually begins at the 10-12 year mark. It is highlighted by a renewal and recommitment to a healthy lifestyle, coupled with a strong focus on life beyond recovery. We are truly practicing the principles of recovery and are now deepening and broadening our perspective toward making a life that is full of meaning, purpose and challenge. This is when we are truly ready to delve into the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Relapse risk diminishes as long as we keep growing and developing our full potential, while also continuing to embrace recovery (it is not either/or).
These are the traditional recovery stages that lead us, not just back from a living death, but forward into a vibrant aliveness. For many, if not most of us, this is new territory – few of us ever felt the sense of aliveness that we find in recovery, and I am not alone in feeling incredible gratitude for the opportunity to experience this.
And now in these evolutionary times in the world, another stage of recovery is emerging among a few visionaries. This 7th Stage is something I call New Paradigm Cultural Recovery. It is an exciting and revolutionary perspective of what may be possible as we shift from the Information Age to the Transformation Age. I will say more about this in a future article in this series.