Introduction
This and the five remaining articles in the Recovery Series are aimed at people with long-term recovery from addictions. Sometimes called Stage III Recovery, Advanced Recovery comes with its own set of issues, concerns and challenges despite the years of integrating the principles learned and practiced in an individual’s recovery process.
Nothing will replace a strong foundation in recovery. We know that is true in every area of life – business, relationships, finances, sports, health and fitness, personal development, and every other area. When it comes to recovery, where our very existence can be at stake, this is especially true. If we put our life ahead of our recovery, we risk losing both; if we put our recovery ahead of our life, we will likely gain both.
So if you are still working toward a solid, integrated recovery, be persistent and patient. Do the groundwork. You will only get out of it what you put into it, so put in everything you can. It is worth it!
The process continues for a lifetime, however, and there are new challenges to face and resolve throughout life. The struggles you face in Advanced Recovery are real and they are resolvable. Read on…
Advanced Recovery from Addiction
You have worked hard to achieve good, solid recovery. But now you have hit a plateau or gotten stuck in a rut. Or worse, you feel empty or like you are missing something very important.
You talk about it, ask for help – and you are told to get back to basics. Sometimes that is good advice. However, usually what is really needed is not to go back to something, but to go forward.
This is exactly what happened to me. When I began the path toward recovery in 1975, I honestly never thought I could maintain sobriety for more than a few days – maybe a few weeks at best.
But as I surrendered to the guidance of the steps and people with five, ten or more years of recovery, tried to emulate them and followed their recommendations, my recovery grew. I found a meaning and joy in life that, frankly, I don’t think I had even before my addictive behavior started.
During the first ten years or so, I saw a number of people relapse. The accepted thinking was that they stopped “working their program,” “got complacent,” or thought they “graduated.” I knew some of these people well, and certainly a few of them did think that way. But most of them relapsed while still practicing recovery principles – yet something was missing that felt so overwhelming, they could see no way out. I didn’t understand it at the time, but have since come to realize that the problem was not whether they were working a recovery program – rather, the program they were working was not adequately addressing their growth and evolution. More about that in a minute.
Then at about the twelve-year mark, I experienced the same feeling. I was doing everything I was supposed to do. My life looked great on the outside, but inside I felt a gaping hole, like my soul or my passion for life got ripped out. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown, with high levels of anxiety, deep depression, and a near total sense of confusion and uncertainty. My marriage collapsed, my career fell apart, I even moved back with my parents (at age 39!) although both of them were active alcoholics. I didn’t relapse, but instead I went into treatment for the first time.
There I learned what the problem was: I did not know how to handle a successful, empowered life! I thought I was supposed to stay small, limit myself, settle for adequacy. My soul was crying out for me to expand to the fullness of my potential, and I was fighting to not “get too big for my britches!”
Over the years since, I have been a “student” of those who relapse (or come close to it) in Advanced Recovery. What I have found to be the most common risk factor is not abandoning their program but abandoning their dreams! They lost a sense of personal purpose, meaning or mission, transferring that instead to “recovery should be enough.”
For some people, maybe recovery is enough. I would never find fault with that. But for others, recovery is not a way of life but a way to life. It is the path to, first, find themselves, second, grow/evolve/expand themselves, and third, become as empowered and full of life as their potential allows. Being “right-sized” does not mean stay small or “one size fits all.” Indeed, the definition AA uses for humility – one of the basic foundations of recovery – is “an honest appraisal of who and what we really are, coupled with a sincere attempt to become what we can be.” (emphasis mine)
We were not meant to reach a certain plateau and settle for it. Recovery becomes very limited if it remains always about avoiding relapse. That is the essential focus of sobriety and early recovery. But at some point in Advanced Recovery, when the skills and principles are so integrated as to be a part of one’s fabric, recovery is about embracing and committing to being something more than we thought possible. We were spared from the living death of addiction for something deeper and broader than simply avoiding addictive behavior.
Many people are afraid that if they really “go for it,” and live a life that is vibrant, juicy and powerful, they will relapse. That fear has been repeated so many times, it becomes ingrained. But addiction itself is fear-based, and using fear to combat fear perpetuates addictive thinking, just covertly.
Don’t be afraid to grow. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Using the principles and practices you have spent so many years learning and mastering, step up to your next growing edge and look it in the eye, saying “I’m ready. I accept. Guide me toward my dream.” And be sure you have the right support to take the next step into your destiny.