Miscellaneous

Advanced, long-term recovery from addictions is what we who have suffered the stranglehold of addiction strive for. The joy and freedom of it is worth all the effort of abstinence, sobriety and early recovery.

Yet it can bring with it its own unique set of issues and challenges that are less intense or less of an issue in earlier stages of recovery when there was a clear, primary focus on recovery itself. Here is a partial list of some of the experiences we start to contend with once that single focus is resolved. Notice which ones apply to you:

• Increased stress over the pressures of life;

• Lack of clear direction or vision (“Now that I’ve grown up, what do I want to be when I grow up?”);

• An unsettling, indefinable sense of loss or emptiness;

• Feeling out of balance in other areas of life;

• A feeling of isolation, even among friends or recovery peers;

• Anxiety or worry about building a future;

• Overwhelm about the responsibilities of balancing recovery with other obligations;

• Increased awareness of the emotional and mental issues that led to addiction in the first place, and uncertainty how to manage them;

• Emotional or energetic blocks (feeling “stuck”) about what is the right action to pursue;

• Internal (or even external) pressure to succeed or “have it all together by now.”

These and other experiences can lead to feeling weary, lost, out of control. Unchecked, they can lead to depression, nervous breakdown, or even relapse. Many people react by shifting to another addiction, especially a process addiction such as “workaholism,” overeating, gambling, extreme sports or “shopaholism.”

As I said in my last post, I have witnessed this countless times in others who are working a good program of recovery, and I’ve experienced it myself. Years of observation, research and professional experience led me to develop a process that deals with these issues head on, in conjunction with recovery programs rather than instead of or in opposition to them. Called Living the Soul of Recovery, the process specifically addresses and resolves the inevitable struggles that most of us stumble over sooner or later.

To provide an overview, the process of Living the Soul of Recovery is broken into three parts, which I call “How to Improve Your AIM.” This idea stems from something my 12-step sponsor asked me early in my recovery: “What is your aim in recovery? Is it just to remain abstinent, or is it to have the best life you can?” Over the years since, I have thought frequently about that phrase – “aim in recovery” – and it became the seed from which Living the Soul of Recovery grew. AIM became an acronym of three key pillars for ongoing recovery:

Awareness

Intention

Mastery

 

When we follow this process, we begin to develop a practice of inner reflection that can provide us with greater understanding of who we are and why we operate the way we do. We discover some alternative ways of thinking and acting that provide us with more choice in how we navigate our lives in ongoing recovery. And we learn to become “the master of our destiny” by taking full responsibility for our lives and how we create our lives.

If we are truly engaged in the actions we take to improve our AIM, we discover an inspiring challenge and a great adventure in finding, creating or deepening the life we entered recovery for. One of the great lessons of recovery, regardless what program or method any of us may use to establish our recovery, is to take the next right action and trust that will lead to a positive result. Living the Soul of Recovery is designed specifically to help us clearly see and empower our individual next right step.

Simply put, Living the Soul of Recovery teaches:

Keep your mind open to what is possible for you;

Keep your heart open to what is meaningful to you;

Keep your hands open to what is doable by you;

And keep your soul open to what makes you come joyfully alive.

In the next three articles, we will look a little more closely at each of the three pillars.

Introduction

This and the five remaining articles in the Recovery Series are aimed at people with long-term recovery from addictions. Sometimes called Stage III Recovery, Advanced Recovery comes with its own set of issues, concerns and challenges despite the years of integrating the principles learned and practiced in an individual’s recovery process.

Nothing will replace a strong foundation in recovery. We know that is true in every area of life – business, relationships, finances, sports, health and fitness, personal development, and every other area. When it comes to recovery, where our very existence can be at stake, this is especially true. If we put our life ahead of our recovery, we risk losing both; if we put our recovery ahead of our life, we will likely gain both.

So if you are still working toward a solid, integrated recovery, be persistent and patient. Do the groundwork. You will only get out of it what you put into it, so put in everything you can. It is worth it!

The process continues for a lifetime, however, and there are new challenges to face and resolve throughout life. The struggles you face in Advanced Recovery are real and they are resolvable. Read on…

Advanced Recovery from Addiction

You have worked hard to achieve good, solid recovery. But now you have hit a plateau or gotten stuck in a rut. Or worse, you feel empty or like you are missing something very important.

You talk about it, ask for help – and you are told to get back to basics. Sometimes that is good advice. However, usually what is really needed is not to go back to something, but to go forward.

This is exactly what happened to me. When I began the path toward recovery in 1975, I honestly never thought I could maintain sobriety for more than a few days – maybe a few weeks at best.

But as I surrendered to the guidance of the steps and people with five, ten or more years of recovery, tried to emulate them and followed their recommendations, my recovery grew. I found a meaning and joy in life that, frankly, I don’t think I had even before my addictive behavior started.

During the first ten years or so, I saw a number of people relapse. The accepted thinking was that they stopped “working their program,” “got complacent,” or thought they “graduated.” I knew some of these people well, and certainly a few of them did think that way. But most of them relapsed while still practicing recovery principles – yet something was missing that felt so overwhelming, they could see no way out. I didn’t understand it at the time, but have since come to realize that the problem was not whether they were working a recovery program – rather, the program they were working was not adequately addressing their growth and evolution. More about that in a minute.

Then at about the twelve-year mark, I experienced the same feeling. I was doing everything I was supposed to do. My life looked great on the outside, but inside I felt a gaping hole, like my soul or my passion for life got ripped out. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown, with high levels of anxiety, deep depression, and a near total sense of confusion and uncertainty. My marriage collapsed, my career fell apart, I even moved back with my parents (at age 39!) although both of them were active alcoholics. I didn’t relapse, but instead I went into treatment for the first time.

There I learned what the problem was: I did not know how to handle a successful, empowered life! I thought I was supposed to stay small, limit myself, settle for adequacy. My soul was crying out for me to expand to the fullness of my potential, and I was fighting to not “get too big for my britches!”

Over the years since, I have been a “student” of those who relapse (or come close to it) in Advanced Recovery. What I have found to be the most common risk factor is not abandoning their program but abandoning their dreams! They lost a sense of personal purpose, meaning or mission, transferring that instead to “recovery should be enough.”

For some people, maybe recovery is enough. I would never find fault with that. But for others, recovery is not a way of life but a way to life. It is the path to, first, find themselves, second, grow/evolve/expand themselves, and third, become as empowered and full of life as their potential allows. Being “right-sized” does not mean stay small or “one size fits all.” Indeed, the definition AA uses for humility – one of the basic foundations of recovery – is “an honest appraisal of who and what we really are, coupled with a sincere attempt to become what we can be.” (emphasis mine)

We were not meant to reach a certain plateau and settle for it. Recovery becomes very limited if it remains always about avoiding relapse. That is the essential focus of sobriety and early recovery. But at some point in Advanced Recovery, when the skills and principles are so integrated as to be a part of one’s fabric, recovery is about embracing and committing to being something more than we thought possible. We were spared from the living death of addiction for something deeper and broader than simply avoiding addictive behavior.

Many people are afraid that if they really “go for it,” and live a life that is vibrant, juicy and powerful, they will relapse. That fear has been repeated so many times, it becomes ingrained. But addiction itself is fear-based, and using fear to combat fear perpetuates addictive thinking, just covertly.

Don’t be afraid to grow. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Using the principles and practices you have spent so many years learning and mastering, step up to your next growing edge and look it in the eye, saying “I’m ready. I accept. Guide me toward my dream.” And be sure you have the right support to take the next step into your destiny.

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is the best-known system for recovery, and is generally thought to be the most consistently successful. But it is not the only system.

Some people have difficulty with the language of AA. Written in 1939, it can be challenging to understand some of the phrases since word usage has changed greatly over the last seven-plus decades.

For others, the masculine emphasis of the language may seem to be a barrier. At the time the steps were written, using the masculine pronoun as all-inclusive was a standard writing practice. Also, most of the people in AA at the time were men.

Perhaps the most common reason for discomfort with the 12 steps, however, is the perceived religiosity of the program. Despite the fact that AA is very clear in its literature that belief in any religion or deity is not required for recovery, and indeed many atheists do recover using the 12 steps, the frequent use of the words “God,” “prayer,” “meditation, and so on are a turn-off to many people.

Thus, other programs and systems were developed over the years to respond to these issues, and all recovery processes have their place. Whatever works for the individual is the best one for that person, and no one should feel excluded from an opportunity for recovery just because they feel excluded from a recovery model.

Among the many alternative recovery systems that have developed over the years, some of the better known include: Rational Recovery, Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS), Women for Sobriety, Self-Management and Recovery Training (SMART Recovery), Lifering Secular Recovery, and Moderation Management. In addition, there are other processes such as The Addiction and Recovery Cure, The Sedona Method, Seven Weeks to Sobriety that have had success. And of course there is psychotherapy, cognitive-behavioral therapies, psychotropic therapy and religion, which are used by some people as well.

Some of these models are not specific to recovery, but each has a place in the overall spectrum of assets for people who want to leave their active addiction behind. Some people have found that blending two or more of these models is most effective for them.

The point is, if the method of recovery you have chosen is working for you, it is the right one for you. If it isn’t, there are options available. The key is to be really honest with yourself in being sure that you have fully committed to whatever process you choose, because whether any of them work or not is up to the individual and his/her effort.

In the remaining articles, we will shift the focus to long-term recovery, sometimes called advanced recovery or Stage II recovery.

The sixth article in this series listed the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. These steps have been adopted and adapted for nearly every addiction by the anonymous group dedicated to that addiction.

But what about the vast majority of people who do not identify themselves as having had an addiction (and thus have no perceived need for recovery)? If the 12 Steps truly comprise a system for a better life, doesn’t everyone deserve access to that system and the principles behind it?

Of course! These are universal principles, and the decision to follow them or not should not be based on what problems one has, but on whether or not one chooses this solution.

Other people have shared versions of a generic 12-Step model before, but here is what has worked for me – personally and professionally. The language may differ from other versions, but the principles remain the same.

The 12 Steps for Everyone:

Step One: “We admitted and accepted that we had a problem that we could not resolve by ourselves – and repeated attempts to resolve it only made it worse..”

Principle: ACCEPTANCE – recognizing our problem and its broad effects.

Step Two: “We began to realize that we needed help beyond our own thinking and actions in order to solve this problem.”

Principle: HOPE – having the desire and expectation for something better.

Step Three: “We decided to ask for help from resources we could count on implicitly (which for some people may include a deity, a faith or a set of principles), and to follow the guidance of that/those resource(s) without reservation.”

Principle: FAITH – to put our trust in something greater than our finite, limited self.

Step Four: “We took a hard, honest and thorough look at our role in creating our problem, without fear or self-condemnation.”

Principle: RESPONSIBILITY – taking ownership of who and what we are, as well as our thoughts, feelings and actions.

Step Five: “We admitted to ourselves, our resources and a trusted confidant all of our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that contributed to our problem.”

Principle: COURAGE – the willingness to face our deepest truths and have them witnessed.

Step Six: “We became fully ready to change the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that led to our problem.”

Principle: WILLINGNESS – making a reasoned, conscious choice to change.

Step Seven: “We humbly asked our resources for help, and committed ourselves to the solution that was recommended to us.”

Principle: HUMILITY – being self-honest and being teachable, willing to grow and change.

Step Eight: “We made a list of all the people who were negatively impacted by how we acted out our problem.”

Principle: RESPECT – to live with honor and esteem for ourselves and others.

Step Nine: “We made amends to these people through acknowledgement and our commitment to change, except when such acknowledgement would harm them or others.”

Principle: INTEGRITY – doing what we know is right on behalf of our relations with others, despite potential personal discomfort.

Step Ten: “We continued to be responsible and accountable for all our actions, and when we were wrong we promptly admitted it and made amends.”

Principle: COMMITMENT – to pledge ourselves to maintaining honesty and integrity.

Step Eleven: “We continually sought to improve ourselves, to deepen our connection to others, to develop and grow toward our full potential in every area of life, and to do our best in whatever we agreed to do.”

Principle: POWER – to own who we are as a part of a greater Source, and to use our capabilities, strengths, and talents for a higher purpose.

Step Twelve: ”We employed this deeper awareness and transformation of ourselves to help others to solve their problems just as we were helped, and we continued to practice these principles in every decision and action we make.”

Principle: SERVICE – willingness to help others and to keep growing.

Two things are obvious here:

(1) The 12 Steps are not for the squeamish – if we are not willing to put every effort into radically changing how we think and behave, then even starting this process can be a set-up for failure;

(2) It is impossible to do these steps 100%, so acceptance of our human limitations is in order. On any given day, we simply do the best we can with them, without excuses, rationalizations or holding back.

The question to ask ourselves is simply, “Am I willing to solve the problem that is making me miserable, and do I recognize that if I could solve it myself I would have by now?” If the answer is yes and you would like some support, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous comprise a group of principles that, when applied with intention and consistency, transform our lives. We have the opportunity with them to turn from a destructive way of life to one that is meaningful, purposeful and powerful.

AA literature does not isolate or boil these principles down into single words, as I’ve done here. I first learned these in the late 1980s at the addictions treatment facility at Suncoast Hospital in Florida. In the years since have heard variations on some of them, however, this particular list feels thorough and true to me and has been helpful to countless people over the years.

These principles are the building blocks of a strong, lasting recovery.

The 12 Steps and Their Principles:

Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Principle: ACCEPTANCE – recognizing our problem and its broad effects.

 

Step Two: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Principle: HOPE – having the desire and expectation for something better.

 

Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Principle: FAITH – to put our trust in something greater than our finite, limited self.

 

Step Four: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Principle: RESPONSIBILITY – taking ownership of who and what we are, as well as our thoughts, feelings and actions.

 

Step Five: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Principle: COURAGE – the willingness to face our deepest truths and have them witnessed.

 

Step Six: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

Principle: WILLINGNESS – making a reasoned, conscious choice to change.

 

Step Seven: “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.”

Principle: HUMILITY – being self-honest and being teachable, willing to grow and change.

 

Step Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Principle: RESPECT – to live with honor and esteem for ourselves and others.

 

Step Nine: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Principle: INTEGRITY – doing what we know is right on behalf of our relations with others, despite potential personal discomfort.

 

Step Ten: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

Principle: COMMITMENT – to pledge ourselves to maintaining honesty and integrity.

 

Step Eleven: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Principle: POWER – to own who we are as a part of a greater Source, and to use our capabilities, strengths, and talents for a higher purpose.

 

Step Twelve: ”Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Principle: SERVICE – willingness to help others and to keep growing.